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Movie Reviews

Here are somewhat short reviews of movies that I've seen at the cinema. I know I've seen more than this, but I don't have the tickets for them. I hope you enjoy reading my stupid reviews. For some reason I only go see movies that I don't like. Maybe in the future I will stop doing that and I will go see more animated films and maybe more indie films.


Once Upon a Time in Hollywood - 6 August 2019

Who is letting Canteen Tarantula make more films? This dude is a complete freak! I completely forgot about how his films are notorious for having a lot of gore so at the end I was like "...oh yeah" since there was no gore until then. I absolutely hate what they did with Bruce Lee. Even Shannon Lee was very disappointed and felt like her father was incredibly disrespected and he absolutely was! I hate this shit.

Us - 2 April 2019

I would like to thank Mr. Jordan Peele again for making me actually interested in a horror film. I love this movie. I enjoyed watching it. I have a lot of questions about the tethered, but I don't think they would ever be answered. I know the concept of prequels and sequels can be so annoying, but if there was a book written about Red and her experiences in that bunker. It would be interesting to learn more about this experiment with the Tethered, too. The acting in this film was amazing, too! The two kids did so well. The way Pluto died was so weird. He didn't have to walk into the fire, but he did.

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse - 29 January 2019

So, when are we going to get more 3D animated films like this? I'm so fucking tired of these stupid Disney films where the art style is like people with big eyes and big heads and the textures are all so realistic when they could be doing creative shit like Into the Spiderverse! I want more stuff like this! The Book of Life was unique for the characters in the book to be represented by wooden dolls! I want more creativity like this. I love this film so much. It is the best Spiderman film! I wish his uncle didn't have to die. Aarons's costume was so fucking cool, he looked so awesome! This film is so beautiful.

The Incredibles 2 - 19 June 2018

Don't watch this film if flashing lights bother you. I'm so glad that I saw the warnings about it before I watched it. Since it's already out of theaters now, it would be a lot easier to watch with those flashing parts. I don't really know what to say about this. The part with Jack-Jack and the raccoon was only there to sell merchandise.

Black Panther - 28 February 2018

Erik Killmonger did nothing wrong. I think this film would have been a lot better if Ryan Coogler wasn't so restricted to whatever the stupid shit Disney wanted him to do. The fight scene at the end where they're on the train rails was so weird to look at and it didn't look that good. I wish they fought somewhere else and I also wish Erik didn't die. This is one of the rare times where the villain in a Marvel film is actually memorable and isn't incredibly boring. The costumes were absolutley gorgeous in this film.

Mary and the Witch's Flower - 23 January 2018

I am so glad that I saw the subtitled version instead. I saw a trailer for it after I watched it and I did not like their English voices. This movie was okay. The animation was very good. I think the plot could have been better, but I overall enjoyed it.

Star Wars: The Last Jedi - 19 December 2017

We see Kyle Ron's titties in this film and it was the funniest shit I've ever seen. Why the fuck was he shirtless?? That made no fucking sense! I hate this film. I wish Rose Tico was written better. I wish she didn't tase Finn and didn't get angry at him trying to leave. It doesn't make any sense for Finn to want to leave. He would want to continue fighting with the Resistance and wanting to liberate all of the people controlled by the First Order. The fight with Finn and Phasma was so anticlimactic. It was Finn's time to get back at the person who has been degrading him his entire life and he fights her for like two seconds and then she dies from falling down or something?? It was terrible. Leia floating out in space was really funny. Poe's characterization did not make any sense. Since when was he a hot-headed man who did whatever he wanted and never took orders? Did you guys see the first film when writing this? There is so much more I could say about this film, but I don't want to. It was bad.

Thor: Ragnorak - 14 November 2017

I really like Taika Waititi and I think this Marvel film was pretty decent. It was actually funny and I did laugh which is quite rare for me to do when watching a Marvel film. I actually like the story in this film and it made me like Thor a lot more than I did before.

Blade Runner 2049 - 10 October 2017

I'm so sorry that most of my reviews are of me hating the film and that this review is another one of those. I hate this fucking film. It was so long and boring. I didn't even like the first Blade Runner. Why the fuck is Jared Leto in this film? I don't wanna talk about this. It was made just for the aesthetic.

Baby Driver - 8 August 2017

The only black character is the aggressive one and is one of the villains in the film. Okay! I know he's not the only black character, but he gets more screentime than the old man that Baby lives with. I just really don't like this film. He just wants to be with this woman and live in the 50s with her or some stupid shit. I hate movies. He drives a lot and listens to music all the time.

Alien: Covenant - 3 July 2017

This movie is really fucking funny. The part where he teaches himself to play the recorder and the part where he kisses himself was so fucking funny. I'm pretty sure he kills himself after he kisses himself, I can't remember that well. If you've never seen this film, Michael Fassbender plays two different characters and they interact with each other and that's why I'm saying "himself." The fucking people that are part of this mission are so fucking dumb. This dude thinks it's okay to smoke on an alien planet, why? They didn't even test the atmosphere to see if it was okay to do something like that or even if it was okay to breathe out there. It's terrible. This movie was shit.

Guardians of the Galaxy 2 - 23 May 2017

I hate everything that happens to Mantis in every film that she's in. Peter wasn't that annoying in this film as before. I hate his father with a burning passion and so does he and I'm glad we're on the same page. Do a lot of Marvel characters hate their fathers? I think that's amazing. Groot was cute, but I know they're just doing this to sell merchandise.

Power Rangers - I can't read the date on my ticket for this one

I cried at the part where Billy "died." Billy is my favorite character in this film. I love him so much. I know that he wasn't actually dead because you see him in the fight scenes in the trailers, but I don't want him to be in any pain. My only complaints are I wish it was more campy like the original and I wish the suits didn't look like that at all. I guess it's fine that they're more mechanical than the original costumes, but did Trini and Kim really need defined boob armor? I don't think so. They replaced the dumb skirts with this bullshit. "Well, we gotta know that they're girls somehow!" Hate this! The film was good, though.

Get Out - 28 February 2017

I would like to thank Mr. Jordan Peele for making me want to actually go see horror films. I don't really like watching horror films because a lot of them are just full of jump scares and hate mentally ill people so I stay away from them, but this film does not have any of that which I absolutely love. This could be a weird thing to say, but this was the best experience I've ever had at the cinema. Usually the audience is kinda annoying, but this time they were not. It's weird for people to applaud during films, but at the end whenever Rod appeared out of the cop car and everyone in the audience were so excited to see him. I know the ending of Chris getting arrested is many times more realistic than him having a happy ending, but I'm glad they went with this one instead.

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story - 16 December 2016 and 2 January 2017

This movie was alright. I'm tired of Star Wars films. I loved Cassian, Chirrut, Baze, and Bodhi a lot. I absolutely hated Jyn Erso and her being a stupid centrist. These guys are fighting for their lives, their freedom from these fascists and you act like this? Okay! I wish they didn't die in the end. I would have loved for Bodhi and Finn to have met. They both were able to escape these fascist regimes and I think Bodhi would have been some sort of mentor for Finn.

Moana - 13 December 2016

The animation was really cool in this film. The part with the neon lights when Tamatoa was singing was so fucking cool. I wish there was more stuff like that in the film. This is one of the better Disney princess films. Moana is actually an interesting character and has a decent story. I honestly forgot what happens in this film and the main plot to it. There was something about the necklace she has and she needed to defeat that lava creature.

Arrival - 22 November 2016

I had a headache whilst watching this film. It had nothing to do with the film, it was just there. This was such an interesting film. It talked about languages and nonlinear time which was confusing, but still really interesting. I would love to see this again someday. I wish Jeremy Renner was not in this film. Amy Adams could do so much better than him.

Moonlight - 11 November 2016

This film transcends cinema, it transcends art as a whole. This amazing piece of art is definitely in my top five favorite films of all time. Everyone must see this film. The fucking movie poster alone is just so fucking gorgeous and it makes me want to see it again. If you ever have the chance to watch the commentary then please watch to it. It will make you fall more in love with this film. The cinematography was so beautiful and the acting was amazing! Everything about it is just so perfect. I love Chiron so fucking much and I hope him and Kevin are doing well together. This is one of the best (possibly the best of all time) gay films and every gay person needs to watch this. Cishets should also watch it if they want to. It's so amazing how a black gay film was able to win best picture at the Oscars. I know awards don't mean much, but maybe this could let people understand that black films and gay films are worth it (I would say that some white gay films aren't fucking worth it, though).

Kubo and the Two Strings - 25 August 2016

I cried when I saw this film. The animation was so fucking beautiful. I love stop motion animation with all my heart. My only complaint is that I wish they hired Asian voice actors for all of the characters. Please stop hiring white people to voice act characters of color.

Star Trek Beyond - 8 August 2016

Not another Star Trek film. Don't we already have thirty of them? What the fuck? Jeff Bezos was in this film? That's so fucking hilarious, I hate that fucking dude.

Ghostbusters - 20 July 2016

I liked this film and I also liked the original. It is possible to like both versions. Chris Hemsworth's character was a complete himbo in this film and I think that's absolutely beautiful. We need more himbos in media. I think Holtzmann and Patty were the most memorable out of the main four. I just really liked this film and I wish men weren't so fucking stupid and misogynistic and realized how great of a film this is.

Deadpool - 28 February 2016

I guess it was funny. I like the concept of an R rated superhero film because then there could be actual deaths instead of people just getting knocked out. I was way more interested in seeing blood and gore than people being able to say "fuck." Negasonic Teenage Warhead was pretty awesome. I absolutely love that she's gay.

Pretty in Pink - 14 February 2016

I went to this see with my girlfriend at the time. This movie ticket was $13.40. That's so fucking expensive. I guess it was cool because there was a part at the end where the actors and crew members talked about the film, but I don't care for John Hughes at all. I actually don't like his films. He has this weird fascination with Asian people and you can see it in this film and in Sixteen Candles. All I'm gonna say about this movie is that a very young Christian Jacobs has a two second part in this film and I think that's super cool.

Star Wars: The Force Awakens - 19 December 2015

Okay, I cried when I saw this. Sometimes a wave of nostalgia smacks you in the face and you start crying. I love Finn with all of my heart. I love that man so much. He was so brave for leaving the First Order. He knew that there was a possibility of him dying and he did it anyways. I love him so much! He is the best Star Wars character and I hate that people overlook his character because he just so amazing. I also love Poe. He's awesome and I'm so glad that they decided not to kill him off. Thank you Oscar for have dying in so many films before that in this film they were able to rewrite the script so that your character didn't die. I really liked Rey in this film, but I hate what they did with her in the next film. That was nasty.

Inside Out - 28 July 2015

I did cry when I watched this. The concept was interesing, but I think it could have been better. I don't like how the emotions in the heads of others all look the same, but the emotions in Riley's head all look different. That was kinda weird.

Jurassic World - 12 May 2015

I like dinosaurs and have had many dreams about them killing me. I don't think this movie should have been made. If the first Jurassic Park were ever real, I know Jurassic World would have been created years after it because rich people are fucking stupid and just want to make money. Jurassic Park seemed to have an actual message to it about messing with life and Jurassic World didn't seem to have any message to it besides "wow, dinosaurs are cool! Look at this shit, dumbass."

Avengers: Age of Ultron - 1 May 2015

It's Tony's and Bruce's fault for all of this. That part with Thor in that puddle or whatever seemed really important, but that was so glossed over and made no sense. He was the one who how to get the stone from wherever. That seemed extremely important. The stones are important!!! This film sucked anyways.

Selma - 20 January 2015

I haven't seen many historical films, but I do want to say that I prefer this over other ones that I've seen. I like that it's about a certain time in Dr. King's life instead of it being about his entire life. I just felt like they had more time to really explore one subject and not have to cram it all into a two hour film and have to omit things because they don't have enough time. I also remember watching this in American History II when I was a junior in high school.

Big Hero 6 - 6 November 2014

I did enjoy this film and liked it when I first saw it. I prefer it over other 3D animated Disney films. I do like superheroes and I do like the concept of original superhero films. Baymax was cute and that's all for now.

X-Men: Days of Future Past - 19 August 2014

Why did I go see this film? I don't know. I kinda like X-Men. I prefer that group over the Avengers. They just seem much more interesting. I really like Mystique and Nightcrawler. I don't remember much from this film besides robots attacking the mutants in the present and Wolverine has to go into the past to somehow get rid of them. His claws looked like bones. Peter Dinklage was the enemy in this movie ... I think and I don't remember what he did. I remember him wearing glasses and a brown suit.

Guardians of the Galaxy - 5 August 2014

I liked this film when it came out, but I think now I would think it's whatever. I don't really like Peter. He's very annoying and should leave Gamora alone.

The Lego Movie - 14 July 2014

The animation was so beautiful!!!! It looked like stop motion, but it wasn't. I would love to watch this movie again. The plot is a bit whatever, but the animation is so gorgeous.

The Fault in Our Stars - 20 June 2014

I actually did read this book and I did cry when I read it (I think I cried at the part where he died), but I am not touching anything that John Green makes ever again. I hate that man so fucking much. The part where they kiss in the Anne Frank house was so terrible. Why would you ever think to do that? That's so fucking disrespectful towards Anne Frank. I also fucking hate the "it's a metaphor" shit. That was so annoying. I did like how they displayed texts in that film. It's a lot easier to read than just the camera looking at a phone screen.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier - 10 May 2014

I would count this as one of the better Marvel films. It's actually slightly interesting to watch and Iron Man wasn't in it which was great.

Divergent - 29 March 2014

I read the book in class and part of the assignment was to compare the book to the film so I had to go see this mess. I hated the book and I hated the film. There is no reason for there to be any romance in this book. It came out of nowhere! I don't remember anything else besides hating that part with a passion.

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug - 13 December 2013 and 1 January 2014

I went to see this stupid movie twice. Once with friends and the other with family. Okay, actual criticism here, but this film was so anticlimactic. It should have ended with Smaug destroying the village. I was waiting for that to happen, but that happens are for like three minutes in the next film. This should have been made into two parts! This one is about Smaug so everything about him should end in this one. I guess all of the armies fighting aren't interesting enough for an entire film, but it doesn't make any sense for the important parts that include Smaug in them to continue into a film that is just going to be about something completely different. It makes no sense! I hated the stupid barrel part!

Thor: The Dark World - 1 December 2013

Seymour was out there going to see absolute shit films. This is the worst Thor film. It was so boring.

Star Trek Into Darkness - 9 June 2013

All I remember from this film was fucking Benedict Cumberbatch in the shower. This film was kinda stupid anyways.

Iron Man 3 - 24 May 2013

I went to see this on my fucking birthday with my mom and best friend at the time. I had recently gotten into Marvel films so this was the first one I had seen in theaters. I fucking hate Marvel films. I want them to end. I don't remember anything from this besides Pepper like being in the suit and orange glowing stuff inside of people which could potentially kill them. This movie was stupid. I hate Iron Man. I'm glad that war criminal died.

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey - 31 December 2012

I never finished reading the book and I don't think I ever will. I don't remember much from this film because it was so long ago since I've seen it, but I do remember there being spiders...in one of them. I only ever got to the part with the trolls (which is very early in the book), but I don't remember what the trolls looked like in this film. This movie was alright. I think if I watched the trilogy again I would think that this is the best one out of the three. I wish they divided this into two films instead of three.